Mind Games

You are a monster. I am human.
We are friends yet we shouldn’t be.
You lurk in the shadows. I try to stay in the light.
You sleep under my bed and visit me in my dreams.

We stay in the dark where I cannot see your hideous face.
I told you many times I don’t care for your appearance
But I’m not sure I really mean that.
And you pretend you don’t notice my uncertainty.

Everyone tells me to stay away from a freak like you.
They say you are evil and would wreck my life
But I love the games we play and how happy you make me.
I do not think you are evil at all, though I’m probably wrong.

Sometimes you hurt me and I would cry for days.
I don’t know if that is ever your intention when you do so.
I do not ask questions and you do not offer answers.
Funny we’re friends but we never talk at all.

When my thoughts are straight
I try to resolve to myself
I should leave you and never look back.
But then I feel your presence in the shadows
And wonder what life is without you.

My friends tell me it would be a happy life
I could play outdoors and enjoy the sun.
They paint me a happy picture full of colors
But the solace I know is the darkness you take me to.

Someday you’re gonna leave.
Then I’ll sit alone in the shadows
Lean on the wall and not feel your clumsy movements.
That day I may choose to play out in the sun.
And when I do, I may never look back.

I’ll have the memories and be grateful for them
But hopefully, will not long for the refuge in the dark.
Instead, I will learn to live in the light
And to find comfort being bathed in sunlight.

But for now we sit in the dark
And your arms are around me while I cry bitter tears.
I don’t know how long we’ll have to sit here
But I know you’ll hold me until I feel better again.

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

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The Lamentations Of A Traveler

Image source: www.123rf.com

Image source: http://www.123rf.com

The stars that dotted the sky are flirting with the buttery moon. The night seems so alive as the sea breeze play with your hair. The anticipation in your eyes are veiled by the shadows of the night. You have been dreading this trip and kept pushing it back, pretending that there are far more important things that needed to be dealt with. But just like the other things in your life, this journey had a way of coming up to the surface, confronting you with the reality that you need to face. There’s no delaying it. Despite the fear and the hesitation, you had to do it now.

Despite the lack of sleep and the fatigue from a day’s worth of traveling, you can feel joy well up from deep inside, a shadowy memory of a not-so-distant past, a watercolor of vague images on a summer afternoon. The faint whir of the boat jolts you back to the present. The slight swell of the waves holds a rhythm that is ever so comforting. From time to time, a whimsical spray of seawater teases your face. The almost black shadow of an island looming in front of you is getting bigger by the minute. The lights from a distance are either from other boats or from the houses near the sea. They bring warmth that soothes your weary bones. The sea at night is dark but littered with twinkling diamonds, glittery just like the tears that slowly fall down your face.

The things that you fear are those that can make you happy or sad or both. This is a bittersweet reunion for you, a homecoming you would rather just pencil indefinitely on your to-do list. As the outline of the huge shadow is becoming sharper and the sleepy homes near the shore becomes clearer, the memories wash over you: the good, the bad and the ones you have buried and pretended never existed. The past is a box of pictures you’d rather keep at the bottom of your closet, never to be opened again; yet the denial will keep haunting you until you have to stare at the photos again, be reminded of the people and stories behind their smile.

The crickets and the waves have replaced the sound of the motor. You have finally reached your destination. You got off the boat and when your toes dipped in the water, you were greeted by the mossy pebbles, probably not the same ones you played with when you were five. Nevertheless, they felt the same.

You are the daughter who had left but has now come back. The cold night air gave you goosebumps but you don’t feel cold at all. Instead, a slow-burning fire has ignited in your soul. The island has engulfed you in its arms, a mother overjoyed by the return of one of the children she lost to the sea.

The moon is still buttery yellow but is now slowly hiding beneath the clouds. The stars are still glittery, just like the tears you’re trying to hold back as it dawned on you, you are home.

Image source: iasminahampel.wordpress.com

Image source: iasminahampel.wordpress.com

*The author would like to write an ode to her hometown but she is lyrically challenged. Nonetheless, this is a tribute to her home, Maripipi.

Evert: XXVI on the 26th

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Truth be told, he wasn’t always weird like that. Just like everyone else, he started as a seemingly normal baby.

bath time

bath time

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Normal right?
Has a normal big sister too.

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And a seemingly regular family.

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Then he grew up. So did his sister.

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And my, have they grown.

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Then he got a Mini Me.

Sven: His father's son

Sven: His father’s son

A blessing and a little version of himself.

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So you think he’d stop being weird, right?

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Well, sometimes he does.

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Cheers to my favorite brother in the world. The only one I’ve got anyway.

My frenemy but truly my bestest friend ever.
The chef and butler.
The entertainer.
The babyiest of babies, but second only to Sventypoo.

I love you to the moon and back.

Celebrate life and continue to be grateful for all the blessings you have.
I pray for your guidance and for you to realize your dreams soon.

Always choose to be happy.
And when all else fails, just sing Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Happy birthday! Many happy returns of the day.

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Purple and Red

Photo courtesy of anitamurphyart.com

Photo courtesy of anitamurphyart.com

You hide in the shadows, and the darkness is your protection. You have built defenses for the unknown. On rare instances that the light reaches you, I catch a glimpse of your beauty. Do you see it, too? But you are afraid to look at your reflection. I have asked you this a thousand times but you quickly avert your gaze.

I saw you again today and I see your bruises. Dark colors smudge your skin screaming the pain in your spirit. I feel the shame for the injustice of your pain. Why do you let it so? Why don’t you fight back? Again, you cast your eyes to the floor and embrace your silence. The bruises are a quiet testament of your acceptance.

Your smile never reaches your eyes. What is the truth behind it? What is the color of your solace? Do you mourn the sunrise and eagerly wait for dusk? I want to climb your wall but I’m afraid to fall.

I saw you again today. You were holding his hands as you were walking down the stairs. Does he hold the key to the mystery? Does he make you happy? You gave me a nod and a little smile. You remind me of a little girl on the train waving at strangers.

I didn’t see you for a while since then. I thought you had moved. Maybe you went away with him. Or maybe you locked yourself in your room grieving the silence of the phone. Did he forget your birthday or was it anniversary? You wanted to paint your bedroom red but you are waiting for his approval. So now it’s still the lifeless gray that matches your gloom.

I see you again in the hallway and you’re covered in bruises. Do you even see them? Are you aware of your pain? Am I the only one who can see them? I finally had the guts to tell you what I should have the first time I saw the marks. He is not your savior. You are beautiful. Stop hurting yourself. You stared at me a long time and I saw a twinkle in your eyes. Did I just imagine it? You smiled and walked away.

I headed to my room and when I walked in, I pulled the blinds up, unhooked the phone and started painting the walls. Red is for passion and courage. Once done, I looked at the mirror and saw that the bruises are gone.