Looking Back At My “Fictional” Attempts

Photo source: kidsinthekichen.blogspot.com

I don’t tell you this often enough but I’m really grateful for your taking the time to read my stories. Cheesy but I can’t thank you enough. And it just warms my heart that some of you may be numbers on my blog stats and unknown faces from halfway across the world but I’ve already shared a lot about my inner thoughts and quirks.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today, I was rereading my old posts and decided I want to re-post some of my favorite fictional stories. If you haven’t read them, here’s your chance. If you have, please tell me what you think about them.

 

The first one is called Purple and Red. It’s about a woman with an intense need for affiliation and a low self-esteem. It also hints physical abuse.

Maybe you locked yourself in your room grieving the silence of the phone. Did he forget your birthday or was it anniversary? You wanted to paint your bedroom red but you are waiting for his approval. So now it’s still the lifeless gray that matches your gloom.

You may read the full story here.

 

The second one is the love of a witch and a prince called Witching Hours.

The prince had a recurring nightmare of riding his horse on the forest and running after a woman in a billowing red skirt. But before he could catch her, he gets thrown off the horse.

For the full story, just click here.

 

The third is about a rainy morning and the memories that pour with the drops on the window pane.

And on rainy mornings, I stay in bed and look out the window and wonder if you still look up at the sky and ask why she’s crying.

The full story is  here.

 

 

Again, thank you so much, everyone.

PS. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Perfect Date Ideas From A Self-Proclaimed Spinster

I’ve had my fair share of dating horrors. In fact, I have told you about my spectacularly disapponting date with a guy who liked Westlife. If not, you can read about it here.

Yeah, yeah, I have this annoying love affair with hyperbole. So anyhow, it’s Friday and so most people are in good spirits. I hope you are too. Well, I am. And so today I will write about something positive. Hmm. Like what? Crime rate? Upcoming national elections? The April 15 deadline for filing of taxes? Geezz, can you tell how I’m oozing with positivity right now?

Let’s talk about dating, which personally is a comedy of horrors. I’m pretty sure Billy Shakespeare is turning in his grave right now for my usage of one of his famous plays. If you are hoping I would lay out for you fool-proof dating advice, you may stop reading now, though I hope you wouldn’t. Surely, you have to understand that a 29-year old spinster is in no place to dish out dating advice in any shape or form. But just because I am a self-confessed spinster and apparently unpopular with guys, doesn’t mean I am without my wishes for a perfect date. And that’s what I want to share with you today.

It’s actually a tie. So I have two perfect ideas for a date. Before I tell you what they are, I’ll tell you first that when I was in my early 20s, I thought a perfect date for me would be in a museum. What could be more romantic than walking through high-ceilinged halls full of different artworks? Plus the silence of the sculptures as the dust tries to settle on the frames of paintings provides a charmed setting for a budding affair. The soft echo of your footsteps as you pretend to look at sketches would be the perfect soundtrack of your own romantic comedy. As you can see, I lived in a European romcom when I was 20. Think Amelie and The Spanish Apartment. But since I’ve been on platonic dates in a museum twice with two of my good guy friends, I’ve scrapped out the perfect museum date.

So my perfect date idea #1 is at a blood-letting activity. Now before you clutch your imaginary pearls, let me explain myself. The reason why I think this is perfect is aside from you are making a contribution to the National Red Cross, this also gives you a glimpse into what kind of person your date is. If he is willing to give blood on your first date, there are only two valid possibilities. Either he is desperate and willing to do anything and everything to get laid or he really cares about such causes as helping those who need blood.

Photo source: prometheus.med.utah.edu

An equally important reason why this donating blood is perfect is because after you’ve given out 500cc of your own blood is that now you two have the perfect little excuse for a red meat feast or buffet. You need all the red meat for your red blood cells. So hey, win-win, right? If a worthy cause and a buffet won’t seal your bond forever, then nothing would.

Perfect date idea #2 is a little picnic at night in the middle of Sunken Garden while listening to 90s and early ’00s boyband music. You could also add reading your favorite children stories and/or rhymes to the repertoire. You only need finger foods, mat, candles, iPod/phone for your music and story books. Think Nsync, Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees. If a guy is willing to listen to crappy boyband music with you, he may be: a, someone who has terrible music just like you; b, desperately wants to sleep with you or; c, willing to forego your horrible taste in music for a shot at a meaningful relationship. So again, nothing to lose and everything to gain in this setup.

Photo source: wikimapia.org

PS. The children stories part is a subliminal attempt for him to think that you would one day bear his children. I am assuming you’d be down for that. No pun intended.

PPS. You are only allowed to stay at Sunken Garden until 10 in the evening.

So anyway, since I don’t see any dates in my foreseeable future, I’ll just enjoy my Friday listening to The Dan Band’s Candy Shop. If you haven’t heard of Dan Finnerty or The Dan Band, it’s about effin time you listen to him/them now.

TGIF!

Why I’m Still Single

1. I did not forward those chain letters and SMS.

2. I have terrible taste in music. Gil Ofarim and LFO. Are you happy now? Geez.

Photo source: tumblr.com

3. I rarely wear dresses and heels.

4. I don’t work out and my metabolism is practically nonexistent.

5. I don’t like most people.

6. I don’t like animals, too. I’m not gonna pretend to like your dog no matter what breed it is. I like plants though.

7. I have thicker legs than most men I know.

8. I don’t have a sense of direction, literally and figuratively.

Photo source: betcheslovethis.com

9. I don’t wanna wear heels on my wedding day.

10. I’m still not over him.

Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. 2 of 2

This is a continuation of Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. This is the list of what men are like.

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Men tend to tell you what to do. Most of them are control freaks. This is both good and bad.

They check your tires before your big trip.

They say, “Call me when you get there” because they want to make sure you got there safe.

A man remembers to tell you the doctor’s office called.

Men won’t go into therapy to better understand their crazy selves.

A man takes revenge. You would never want to hurt his woman nor his children.

Men assume guys are boys who haven’t manned up yet.

Men don’t want to talk to women about their feelings of inadequacy.

Men have keys. They have the codes to alarms.

And I wanna add:

A man is often quiet that you wonder what goes on in his head and if he ever listens to you. (He does, unless you’re nagging him then he just shuts down.)

A man usually is absorbed in his work and chores. You would not want to interrupt him when he’s working.

A man rarely talks about his feelings. Sometimes never. But his silence speaks volumes, and you can see in his eyes the answers you are looking for. (Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic.)

A man rarely shows affection in public. No hugging and kissing in grocery aisles. But he wraps his arms around you when you sleep.

Most men dress horribly, at best, neutral like jeans and sneakers or perpetually in boring shirt and dress shoes.

A man will not watch The Notebook with you. He likes The Fast and the Furious. (Totally fine by me.)

Jon Hamm and Armie Hammer are men.

Original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20love.html?pagewanted=all

Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. 1 of 2

This is an article written by Cathleen Calbert back in September of 2009. My friend posted this on Facebook, and we got into a discussion on our preferences: do we want a man or a guy? She wants a guy whereas I like a man. The author married a guy, and it seems that the mature choice is a guy. But then maybe you’re like me hopelessly dreaming for a man.

The article is long and instead of reposting it, I’m breaking it out into a list. And this would be two parts because the list is, again, somewhat long.

We’re gonna start with the Guy.

Photo source: thefrisky.com

Guys are often in between things like jobs and houses, which means they’re more likely to stay up with you all night, drinking wine and playing gin rummy.

They’ll rub your belly. They’ll lick chocolate off it.

They’ll like your cute little dog.

When going on a trip, guys say, “Love you, have fun,” because they can’t imagine anything bad happening to you.

Guys can wallow in confusion. They can decide to leave their brides on one side of the country as they head to the other.

Guys can sweetly stick. Yes, they’ll walk past whole bags of garbage without seeing them, they’ll play their guitar while the dog snags an entire meatloaf from the counter and eats it, but they’ll say, “Hi, sweetie,” when you walk in the door, laden with groceries.

They’ll go into therapy to better understand their crazy selves.

Photo source: inquistr.com

Guys wear the kind of clothes they wore as boys even when their hair silvers: cool jeans and baseball jackets coupled with stupid T-shirts boasting faded logos from exotic locales.

Guys are boys who didn’t grow up to be men.

Guys are capable of swooning over a new writer they’ve just discovered, or of speaking passionately about some idea.

A guy is a possibility.

Original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

So Unsexy by Alanis Morissette

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I’m deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I’m devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

 

 

A Vicious Cycle

The cycle is hard to break. The shame in that admission consumes you.
The memories weigh heavy on your soul. What did you do to deserve this?
The tears don’t come no more. Instead, a dark shadow haunts your gaze.
You are young but weary, your bones creaking to the weight of your solitude.
The darkness will soon have to give way for the sunrise. But how can you appreciate the burst of colors if you keep your gaze down.
Time has long deserted you. The days are all the same.
They come and they go and you are stuck in a place where the past, the present and the future is a haunting ballad on a loop.
Time is a box of matte black and white photographs that remind you of a happier time and a dull ache that never goes away.
Someday, somehow, you have got to stop giving him the power to hurt you.

 

 

 

Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They`re like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they’re bad for me
But I just can’t leave ’em alone

The Things About Women I Want To Tell Men

This is a list of some of the things I want to tell men. I don’t claim to be the voice of women, hence, I used I in the title. This is for the men who are/were friends, boyfriends, friends with benefits, husbands, colleagues, practically every man out there who has to deal with women

Photo courtesy of girl.com

1. Don’t compare me to other women. Not to your exes, friends, your sister/s, especially, not to your Mom. I am my own self. I have my own flaws and strengths. My identity may have some characteristics like the other women in your life, but I am not them. I am me.

2. You don’t need to carry my purse. I won’t be using it if I can’t carry it myself. But please do hold the door for me and help me carry my grocery bags. There’s four of them for crying out loud.

Photo courtesy of owned.com

3. I am sure that The Smiths, Led Zeppelin, The Cure and the others whom I forgot, are great musicians, I just happen to not be a fan. Please don’t judge me for that. Also, I would appreciate it if you keep a straight face whenever Taylor Swift comes up on my playlist. Her songs are catchy and gives me good vibes. I listen to Radiohead, too, and U2, Oasis, Vertical Horizon, Mozart, and yes, boybands. And please don’t start a lecture on your rocker chick friend’s musical influences. Just because I like Taylor Swift doesn’t mean I’m gonna start writing songs about my exes and how douchey they were. On the second thought…

4. I think it’s sweet that you let me have my way with a lot of things but still keep your spine intact. A spineless guy isn’t hot at all. (This applies to women, too.) You don’t need to take charge of everything but please do have your own conviction and do stand up for it.

5. There’s so much more about women than shopping, makeup, boys and clothes. We’re just like you, complex human beings. We also care about the environment, the lack of efficiency in the government, the plight of OFWs. We can even discuss the economy if you want. But personally, I’d rather not get into physics even if CERN has just confirmed that it indeed has discovered the Higgs Boson. Not that I won’t be amazed if you can discuss the God particle to me. But seriously, many women I know think geeks are hot.

Photo courtesy of funmeme.com

6. We value communication. If you don’t appreciate getting text messages every 15 minutes, please say so. If there are certain topics that you think are off-limits, then tell us. Just don’t keep everything bottled up. If you don’t like that resto or this movie, speak up. Sulking is for 5-year olds. We can’t read minds. And second guessing rarely yield good results.

7. Most women pride themselves of their outfit, meticulously chosen depending on the occasion and the people they’re with. Hence, don’t be so narrow minded as to judge them as slutty and ask them to change just because you think guys would be ogling her. But if she is wearing a see-through top and a barely there skirt to church, then please talk to her. She may be needing more than just a discussion about appropriate outfits.

Photo courtesy of zipmeme.com

8. Most women value friendships. If you are her friend, she’ll do everything in the name of friendship: help you with your paper, give you advice for that chick you want to date, help you find a gift for your Mom, get drunk with you when you get dumped and help you bury the dead stripper. I kid, I kid. If you are her boyfriend, the list even becomes longer because more or less, she thinks the universe revolves around you. So please let her spend time with her friends. She loves them too, y’know. And they make her happy. And of course, you want her to be happy, too.

9. Do take note of important dates. Technology has made it easy now so you don’t have an excuse to forget birthdays and anniversaries. She doesn’t need gifts (well, she does like them) but do take the time to celebrate it with her. It doesn’t have to be expensive, you just have to be creative.

Photo courtesy of tumblr.com

10. When you suspect that something is wrong because of her silence, don’t force her to unload. Assure her instead that you’re willing to listen once she’s ready to talk. And when she does, do listen and try to stand in her shoes. If you still don’t get it, tell her so and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

11. When she’s irritable due to PMS, work stress, traffic jam or hunger, be patient. She can’t be sunshine every time. Same goes for you, right? Remember that time she was quiet and kept out of your way because the Celtics lost (for the nth time)?

12. While your girl friends are okay with you checking out other girls while you’re hanging out with them, your girlfriend won’t be as forgiving. That’s tacky and disrespectful. Your girl friends might also have the patience to listen to you rave about the endearing qualities of Megan Fox, Maria Ozawa, Angelina Jolie, et al., but don’t expect the same for your girlfriend. Hey, she chose you even if you’re not a fraction as hot as Matt Scannell.

Photo courtesy of jambase.com

13. This list does not apply to all women. Also, this list does not have everything you need to learn about women. But it would be nice if you would take note of some of these things and appreciate more the women in your life and give them the respect they deserve.

Re-learning and Remembering Love

This is an excerpt from the book 11 Minutes by Paulo Coelho and for me, the best part of the book, not just for Maria’s (protagonist) rhetoric on love and sex but because of the semicolons. I hope you also appreciate the beauty of Maria’s thoughts.

I would like to do for him what he did for me. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I realise that I didn’t go into that cafe by chance; really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other. Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.

Everyone knows how to love, because we are all born with that gift. Some people have a natural talent for it, but the majority of us have to re-learn, to remember how to love, and everyone, without exception, needs to burn on the bonfire of past emotions, to relive certain joys and griefs, certain ups and downs, until they can see the connecting thread that exists behind each new encounter; because there is a connecting thread. And then, our bodies learn to speak the language of the soul, known as sex, and that is what I can give to the man who gave me back my soul, even though he has no idea how important he is to my life. That is what he asked me for and that is what he will have; I want him to be very happy.