Hymen and Babies

People say that in the old days if you so much as get caught holding hands with a guy, then you sure would be married. Maintaining a spotless reputation was on top of the list back in the day. Apparently, for single women, reputation has a lot got to do with virginity.

Nowadays, obviously, the culture has somewhat shifted. The state of a woman’s hymen is now mostly a non-issue. In fact, intentional tearing of the hymen due to certain “recreational” activities does not qualify anymore as a reason to force couples to marry. These days, it is the status of the womb that has become the deciding factor for many marriages. Tying the knot due to pregnancy, mostly unplanned, it seems, has become the rule rather than the exception. I don’t mean that as a criticism; rather, a mere observation.

Image Source: goosegreaseshop.com

Image Source: goosegreaseshop.com

As a woman, whether you are from the olden days when indulging in premarital sex would earn you a stoning or at least the reputation of the village slut or you are a “modern” woman living in today’s supposed more liberal view of your gender, the fact remains that you are still forced to conform to society’s presribed behavior, which is still for the most part, biased, pretentious and self-righteous.

How familiar are these situations?

A: X is getting married.
B: Is she pregnant?
A: Yes.
A: Oh, that’s why.

A: X is getting married.
B: Is she pregnant?
A: No.
B: Then why?

Image Source: kustomkoozies.com

Image Source: kustomkoozies.com

A: I don’t understand why X won’t marry her boyfriend. They’ve been together for years and their son is about to start school.
B: Because they don’t want to get married.
A: But why? I don’t understand.

A: X is pregnant.
B: Wow. So when is the wedding?
A: I don’t think she and her boyfriend are planning to get married.
B: But they should, shouldn’t they?

I cannot extol on the valid reasons to marry. There are thousands of references written by experts that you can use for that topic. Besides, at the end of the day, to marry or not to marry is definitely your choice. And your partner’s, of course. Whatever reason you may have for marrying your partner, may it be something that would solidify your marriage and keep you together, rather than drive you apart. And more importantly, I dare say, may it also be something that makes you happy.

Image Source: wowglowingbride.com

Image Source: wowglowingbride.com

 

 

The author (an almost spinster) is being pressured by her family to find a suitable husband soon or at least have a baby. But she would rather marry for convenience if given a chance.

 

 

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Looking Back At My “Fictional” Attempts

Photo source: kidsinthekichen.blogspot.com

Photo source: kidsinthekichen.blogspot.com

I don’t tell you this often enough but I’m really grateful for your taking the time to read my stories. Cheesy but I can’t thank you enough. And it just warms my heart that some of you may be numbers on my blog stats and unknown faces from halfway across the world but I’ve already shared a lot about my inner thoughts and quirks.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today, I was rereading my old posts and decided I want to re-post some of my favorite fictional stories. If you haven’t read them, here’s your chance. If you have, please tell me what you think about them.

 

The first one is called Purple and Red. It’s about a woman with an intense need for affiliation and a low self-esteem. It also hints physical abuse.

Maybe you locked yourself in your room grieving the silence of the phone. Did he forget your birthday or was it anniversary? You wanted to paint your bedroom red but you are waiting for his approval. So now it’s still the lifeless gray that matches your gloom.

You may read the full story here.

 

The second one is the love of a witch and a prince called Witching Hours.

The prince had a recurring nightmare of riding his horse on the forest and running after a woman in a billowing red skirt. But before he could catch her, he gets thrown off the horse.

For the full story, just click here.

 

The third is about a rainy morning and the memories that pour with the drops on the window pane.

And on rainy mornings, I stay in bed and look out the window and wonder if you still look up at the sky and ask why she’s crying.

The full story is  here.

 

 

Again, thank you so much, everyone.

PS. Enjoy the rest of your day.

The Special Kind of Hell Called Friend Zone

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

In popular culture, the “friend zone” refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

That was brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Wikipedia

My take on it is it’s another version of unrequited love. Plain, simple and painful. I think. When I think of friend zone, I think of David Todd and Severus Snape. David Todd is the husband of Mabel Todd who had an affair with Austin Dickinson, more famously known as Emily Dickinson’s brother. You see, Mr. Todd gave his blessing on the affair. Several accounts have been written about this. I choose to believe that he decided to go into friend zone rather than be bitter about his wife’s straying. Of course, he later on carried on with affairs of his own, with his wife’s approval.

On the other hand, Harry Potter fans are well aware of Professor Snape’s enduring love for Lily, Harry’s mother who, of course, married the love of her life, Harry’s dad. In fact, I dare say, Snape is the poster child of friend zone.

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Also, let’s not forget, Jules from My Best Friend’s Wedding. I saw this film when I was in high school and it just broke my heart. How can we live in a world where the lovely Julia Roberts with the perfect curly hair did not end up marrying her best friend, the dashing Dermot Mulroney? We are in a seriously f**ed up place. If Jules could not get her perfect guy, what hope is there for us lesser mortals?

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

There are many reasons cited for people thrown in the friend zone. Some of those cited are unequal level of attraction. Sexual attraction of one party not enough to cross the friendship line. For many, it is simply the fear of losing a true friend.

I don’t have firsthand experience of friend zone but I have a few thoughts on why some people find themselves in this hell. I repeat, these are my own speculations, so don’t shoot me.

1. You are not taking enough Vitamin C.

2. You like a person who is 2 points more attractive than you. The rule is you only have a shot with people who are 2 points more or less attractive than you. If you are a 6, try not to fall for someone higher than an 8 or prepare to be friend zoned or downright rejected.

Photo source: jwoww.com

Photo source: jwoww.com

3. You can’t figure this out:
Consider the ellipse (x² / 4) + (y² / 1) = 1
What is the equation describing this ellipse after it has been rotated thirty degrees counterclockwise?

4. You don’t replace the toothpaste cap.

5. You don’t floss often enough.

6. You can’t cook a decent pasta. In fact you don’t know the perfect recipe for boiling water.

7. Your name is Jar Jar Binks.

Photo source: 90s411.com

Photo source: 90s411.com

8. You have let your object of affection see your messy room.

9. You take too many bathroom photos.

10. You think this list is legit.

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

The Girl Who Loved Obituaries

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Kim looks at people and imagine what their obituary would read as. When she was a little girl, she had feared death and all things related to it. She was afraid to look at pictures of dead people. She could not look at coffins. When her mom would take her to the cemetery, she would try not to read the names on the tombstones. When she became an adult, she decided to do something about her fear. She started reading obituaries. That’s how she turned into the girl who reaches first to the obituary page of the Sunday paper.

She has written her own obituary, and it’s unlike what you usually read on the newspapers. Kim thinks it’s a pity that your last announcement in this world would just include the name of the funeral house, the date of the interment and the people who have survived you. Instead of a tearful eulogy, she wants to make sure she has a well-written obituary.

Five days a week, she answers email queries about an apparently problematic online payment system. Most of the queries have templates for answers. She oftentimes imagine what the person is like behind the email address. Is he a burly old guy who will have a funny, half-page obituary? Maybe a retired banker who will have a no-nonsense obituary, 3 or 4 lines approximately. Or it could be the old lady everyone is fond of who will have a family member write a heartwarming obituary full of recounting of her character.

On weekends, Kim tries to spend as much time with her boyfriend who works as a college instructor. He hates Kim’s obsession with obituaries because he once read a short story about a girl who reads obituaries in the bathroom when she’s menstruating because she was molested when she was a child. Kim tries to assure him she was not molested but he remains doubtful.

They had been together for almost a year. There’s nothing magical about their relationship. What they have is a comfortable companionship that lacks growth and maturity. Despite the seemingly monotonous context, Kim likes being with him. He has not had any declarations of love and has not talked about marriage plans. Kim sometimes wish he would but most of the time, she’s just content to lay in his arms listening to his deep, evenly spaced breathing.

One Sunday morning while having breakfast, they had a row when he saw Kim reading intently the obituary page.

Will you please not read that while we’re eating? Or in front of me?

Why not?

Of course, she knows quite well why not but she’s tired of defending herself.

Because it’s all about death. I think you’re getting more and more obsessed with death.

No, I’m not. Besides the headlines are full of death. How’s that different from the obituary?

It’s different and you know that. You don’t even know those dead people. Why do you care about them?

He then got up, leaving his unfinished food and went to their bedroom.

They rarely fight and she hates it when they do. She followed him to the bedroom. He was staring out the window.

I was not molested when I was a kid. I had a normal childhood. I was just really afraid of dead people. Why don’t you believe me?

I believe you. It’s just unsettling when you read those things. Why can’t you just have a hobby like normal people do?

So now you’re saying I’m not normal?

He laughed but it didn’t reach his eyes. Kim is starting to feel there was something he was not telling her. She does not like surprises and that’s why she likes him because he is predictable. He likes toast and eggs for breakfast, pizza on Fridays, classical music when he’s checking test papers and white underpants. There is definitely comfort in routine. But right now, Kim is scared that something is about to change. He could see it in his eyes.

Death is about pain and letting go. No matter how much people say it’s beautiful, you can never convince the bereaved family of that.

I’d like to think of obituaries as happy endings.

No matter how happy they are, they’re endings. I don’t want you fixated on endings. We’re still young. We’re barely starting. There’s a lot of things we haven’t done yet.

Are you breaking up with me?

She didn’t mean to say it out loud but she fears it’s what he was trying to say.

No, silly. I want us to get married.

As relief flooded through Kim, she couldn’t stop her tears.

You really shouldn’t cry. It’s not like someone died.

She hugged him hard.

You’re well aware marrying you means I get to write your obituary, right?

He smiled as he slid the ring on her finger.

I guess so.

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Why It’s Not Safe To Talk About Music On The First Date

He was introduced by a family friend. An overall good guy with a clean cut, engineering grad who just passed the board. I was a sophomore in college and kind of wondering if he was going to be my first boyfriend. Although he was a nice guy, we were not exempted from the awkwardness of a first date. I didn’t know the rules and I was hoping to wing it. Huge mistake.

Him: Do you like music?
Me: Yes. Do you?

I was somewhat disappointed with the question because I thought it is a given that everyone loves music. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t. That should make it a fact, not a hasty generalization. True? But then again maybe he’s too nice to be presumptuous.

Me: What kind do you like?
Him: Alternative.

Alternative in essense is the opposite of mainstream. Alternative was, and probably is, cool. Honestly, now, I believe alternative, just like any other genre, was created by the music industry moguls to create a new market. The one to sell Nirvana, The Verve, Suede, Blur records to. (Did I mix alternative rock and Britpop?) Of course, when moguls create a new genre, they will be sure to sell everything that goes with it: the apparel, the lifestyle (may or may not include illegal substances), ideas (may or may not be limited to sex, abortion, marriage, divorce, dating, suicide) Clearly, you can now see how clueless I am in this or how huge the genre is.

Since I was in college when this date happened, needless to say, I was impressed when he said he liked alternative music.

Me: Who’s your favorite artist?
Him: Westlife.

Aside from music, I also like sarcasm. He was funny! Because I was nervous during this time, I didn’t laugh. But I did grin, which genuinely confused him.

Him: You don’t like them?

Sh*t just got real. He was serious. He truly liked Westlife. I remember Westlife when I was in high school because Swear It Again was on the radio a lot. But back then, I was a Hanson fan because, hey, they write their own songs and play instruments. I would go as far as say that the only thing that kept Hanson from being alternative was that they were hugely popular plus they had indiscernible lyrics. Mmm Bop?

Me: No. I’m more Nirvana and Sigur Ros.

College was the peak of my pretentiousness. But back then I didn’t call myself pretentious because I believe that if I have faith in these artists’ music, then I’d soon enough imbibe a life that is full of art, depth and meaning. Yes, I was a whole load of bull crap. I actually tried to read Umberto Eco!

Needless to say, there was no second date. He now lives in the Emirates with his wife and two kids while I am still a walking dating disaster. Also, a friend just pointed out to me that I now have a terrible taste in music. Truth be told, that doesn’t bother me at all. My playlist now includes Britney’s From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart because she really sounded cute then. And I play Maroon 5’s One More Night while I take a shower.

For the life of me, I ccouldn’t understand why I wanted to be cool or deep or poetic. I certainly didn’t look the part. Maybe it’s a prerequisite of growing up. Being pretentious is so not cool. Not that I’m saying I’ve stopped being pretentious just because I now admit to listening to pop music. I’m looking at you Twihards.

Vision Board

I’m kind of late to the party but today, I successfully completed my vision board. As About.com has said, a vision board is a collage of images of things you want in your life. The idea behind the vision board came from the Law of Attraction, which is very similar to self-fulfilling prophecy. LoA in its simplest sense claims that the more you think about something, the more it will become real or will materialize. There are lots of references online if you are interested about Law of Attraction.

In five to seven years time, these are the goals I want to achieve. So here’s my board.

vision board

Left to Right:

1. Community Involvement
I would want to be more involved in the community. I believe there is a diferrent sense of fulfillment from sharing your time and skills to advocacies.

2. Self Love
I want to love me more. I want to stop berating myself for what I’m not.

3. Post-grad in Europe
I have two images for this: the scholarshipportal.eu and the one of Erasmus Mundus. I want to take my masters abroad. Since I don’t have a rich family to pay my tuition, the only way I could afford it is if I get one from either of those two.

4. My Own House
I’m sure I don’t have to elaborate on this.

5. Committed Relationship
Paging all the forces that be to help me work on this one.

6. Travel (Switzerland, Greece and Spain)
The photo with the blue sea is taken at Santorini while the seemingly pastoral view is from Switzerland.

7. Writing
I want to write more, not just blogs. I want to write film reviews, short stories, news features, obituaries, et cetera.

8. Teaching
When I was little, I dreamed of becoming a teacher. I did teach for more than two years, and I want to do it again.

9. Mantra
I want this to be my daily affirmation.

10. Good Health
I want to work more on improving my health and I want to be fit.

Job Application

Matt Scannell
87 Delaware Road
Hatfield, CA 08065

 

Dear Mr. Scannell,

I am writing to apply as your girlfriend as was indirectly announced in Wikipedia. I am enclosing a complete and updated resume, relevant certifications and three references.

The opportunity presented is beyond interesting, and I believe that my educational background, overall upbringing, work experience and not to mention, my spectacular personality, will make me a very competitive candidate for this position.

The key strengths that I possess for success in this position include:

* I have listened to all songs of Vertical Horizon at least 50 times each.

* I eat, breathe, live music, from terrible sounding boybands, to crooning broken-hearted divas, haunting classical music. to the pretentious British artists.

* I write, not as eloquently as you do, but I do have a deep understanding of those times when you itch for the pen to spell out your thoughts.

* I have successfully written and directed two short films. You could say I’m an artist, too.

* I have experience in customer service, collections, telephone banking, online ESL teaching, (creative) writing, research,  scriptwriting, production managing, directing, photography, blogging and editing. I am sure that those would prove useful if I were to be your girlfriend.

* I have a passion for learning. In fact, I would be taking my masters next school year.

* Most importantly, I love bald guys.

Please see my resume for additional information on my skills, experience and other qualifications. I can start with the job at the soonest possible time.

I can be reached anytime via email at its8am@gmail.com, Skype: trainrides or my mobile, 0906-487-xxxx.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment and romantic opportunity.

 

Sincerely,

Jobet Penalosa

Why I’m Still Single

1. I did not forward those chain letters and SMS.

2. I have terrible taste in music. Gil Ofarim and LFO. Are you happy now? Geez.

Photo source: tumblr.com

Photo source: tumblr.com

3. I rarely wear dresses and heels.

4. I don’t work out and my metabolism is practically nonexistent.

5. I don’t like most people.

6. I don’t like animals, too. I’m not gonna pretend to like your dog no matter what breed it is. I like plants though.

7. I have thicker legs than most men I know.

8. I don’t have a sense of direction, literally and figuratively.

Photo source: betcheslovethis.com

Photo source: betcheslovethis.com

9. I don’t wanna wear heels on my wedding day.

10. I’m still not over him.

Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. 2 of 2

This is a continuation of Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. This is the list of what men are like.

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Men tend to tell you what to do. Most of them are control freaks. This is both good and bad.

They check your tires before your big trip.

They say, “Call me when you get there” because they want to make sure you got there safe.

A man remembers to tell you the doctor’s office called.

Men won’t go into therapy to better understand their crazy selves.

A man takes revenge. You would never want to hurt his woman nor his children.

Men assume guys are boys who haven’t manned up yet.

Men don’t want to talk to women about their feelings of inadequacy.

Men have keys. They have the codes to alarms.

And I wanna add:

A man is often quiet that you wonder what goes on in his head and if he ever listens to you. (He does, unless you’re nagging him then he just shuts down.)

A man usually is absorbed in his work and chores. You would not want to interrupt him when he’s working.

A man rarely talks about his feelings. Sometimes never. But his silence speaks volumes, and you can see in his eyes the answers you are looking for. (Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic.)

A man rarely shows affection in public. No hugging and kissing in grocery aisles. But he wraps his arms around you when you sleep.

Most men dress horribly, at best, neutral like jeans and sneakers or perpetually in boring shirt and dress shoes.

A man will not watch The Notebook with you. He likes The Fast and the Furious. (Totally fine by me.)

Jon Hamm and Armie Hammer are men.

Original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20love.html?pagewanted=all

Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. 1 of 2

This is an article written by Cathleen Calbert back in September of 2009. My friend posted this on Facebook, and we got into a discussion on our preferences: do we want a man or a guy? She wants a guy whereas I like a man. The author married a guy, and it seems that the mature choice is a guy. But then maybe you’re like me hopelessly dreaming for a man.

The article is long and instead of reposting it, I’m breaking it out into a list. And this would be two parts because the list is, again, somewhat long.

We’re gonna start with the Guy.

Photo source: thefrisky.com

Photo source: thefrisky.com

Guys are often in between things like jobs and houses, which means they’re more likely to stay up with you all night, drinking wine and playing gin rummy.

They’ll rub your belly. They’ll lick chocolate off it.

They’ll like your cute little dog.

When going on a trip, guys say, “Love you, have fun,” because they can’t imagine anything bad happening to you.

Guys can wallow in confusion. They can decide to leave their brides on one side of the country as they head to the other.

Guys can sweetly stick. Yes, they’ll walk past whole bags of garbage without seeing them, they’ll play their guitar while the dog snags an entire meatloaf from the counter and eats it, but they’ll say, “Hi, sweetie,” when you walk in the door, laden with groceries.

They’ll go into therapy to better understand their crazy selves.

Photo source: inquistr.com

Photo source: inquistr.com

Guys wear the kind of clothes they wore as boys even when their hair silvers: cool jeans and baseball jackets coupled with stupid T-shirts boasting faded logos from exotic locales.

Guys are boys who didn’t grow up to be men.

Guys are capable of swooning over a new writer they’ve just discovered, or of speaking passionately about some idea.

A guy is a possibility.

Original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0