A Vicious Cycle

The cycle is hard to break. The shame in that admission consumes you.
The memories weigh heavy on your soul. What did you do to deserve this?
The tears don’t come no more. Instead, a dark shadow haunts your gaze.
You are young but weary, your bones creaking to the weight of your solitude.
The darkness will soon have to give way for the sunrise. But how can you appreciate the burst of colors if you keep your gaze down.
Time has long deserted you. The days are all the same.
They come and they go and you are stuck in a place where the past, the present and the future is a haunting ballad on a loop.
Time is a box of matte black and white photographs that remind you of a happier time and a dull ache that never goes away.
Someday, somehow, you have got to stop giving him the power to hurt you.

 

 

 

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Witching Hours

Once there was a witch who lived in the outskirts of town. The townspeople were wary of her although she has not bothered anybody. She was an orphan who has learned to slay her own dragons.

One day as she was roaming the forest, she came upon a man who has fallen off his horse. He was badly hurt. Unbeknownst to her, he was a prince from a nearby kingdom. She brought him home and nursed him back to health. While the prince was staying at her home, he fell in love with the witch. He confessed to her and asked her to marry him. She said yes for she has fallen for him, too. The prince bade her goodbye with a promise to return for their wedding.

When the prince got back to the castle, everyone was overjoyed, especially the king. He asked everyone to work on the prince’s wedding. The prince told him that he is going to marry the witch, and the king said it was preposterous. They were royalty and should not marry commoners, especially, outcasts. The prince tried to reason out but the king insisted since the princess is from a kingdom much bigger than theirs; hence, a very auspicious union.

The prince, weak as he was, was convinced it was the right thing to do to marry the princess. The wedding was festive and well-attended. When the witch found out about it, she wept hard and cursed her fate. She grieved the loss of his love and tried to forget about the man who betrayed him.

Meanwhile, the prince couldn’t live with the guilt of breaking his promise to his beloved. And no matter how beautiful and kind his princess is, he could never learn to love her. On warm nights when the stars glow bright and the trees whisper the secrets of the past, he could her the laughter of the witch and he swore he could smell the scent of her hair. The prince had a recurring nightmare of riding his horse on the forest and running after a woman in a billowing red skirt. But before he could catch her, he gets thrown off the horse.

His sleepless nights started to take a toll on his health and he got ill. Upon hearing about this, the witch went to the castle and volunteered to care for him. Realizing that she was the woman his son fell in love with, the king rejected her offer and sent her away. The prince died shortly thereafter.

The witch mourned the prince’s death and after a considerable amount of time, moved on and lived a full life. She slayed her own dragons and did not wait for princes or knights on a white horse. There were nights though when the moon is bright and the stars flood the skies and if you listen closely to the rustling of the leaves, you can hear the prince asking forgiveness from the witch and telling her that she was his true princess.

Photo courtesy of bailiandi.blogspot.com

Photo courtesy of bailiandi.blogspot.com

Rainy Mornings

Photo source: wallpapers-xs.blogspot.com

Photo source: wallpapers-xs.blogspot.com

I used to find comfort in your silence just like when darkness shields me from the glare of reality. It can’t be blue skies every day. Sometimes the day is gray and the heavens cry but we both love the rain — the sound of it, the smell and how it brings childhood memories of pink dresses and ribbons and ice cream, and how you said that the sound of rain drops make for a good soundtrack.

I used to pray that the universe bring us together. Now I realize how selfish I was. I don’t see you often now but sometimes you show up in my dreams, some hazy visions of the past. You used to tell me that I don’t have to hide the pain behind my smile and that my eyes never lie. Well, then I’m just glad you can’t see me now. I am happy that you found happiness. I tell myself that every day until I feel like I can start believing my own lie.

And on rainy mornings, I stay in bed and look out the window and wonder if you still look up at the sky and ask why she’s crying.

3 a.m. Monsters That Are Out To Get You

I work nights and so that goes without saying that I sleep during the day. This has been my lifestyle for almost a decade now. It’s been so long that I am now an honorary vampire though I still haven’t quite warmed up to Edward and Bella since they moved to our neighborhood a few years ago.

On weekends when everybody is fast asleep, I am painfully wide awake. This is on the assumption that I am not out with friends, which actually happen albeit rather sporadically. It has been said that I am gonna inherit the “no social life” crown from Anne Frank. Until now, the executors of her estate have not contacted me so I can breathe easy and be content with my title as the poster child for “practically close to having no social life”.

Please don’t take my ramblings as a complaint for staying at home because I do love staying at home. I just hate it when I’m awake at 3 a.m on a Sunday and is bored to tears with only my tablet to comfort me. And I hate it because of the things I usually end up doing:

1. Eat a lot of junk food.

2. Waste too much time on Facebook.

3. Retweet a lot of jokes.

4. Download apps that usually get deleted on Monday when mind clears.

5. Raid fridge and cupboards amidst complaints of my fat ass.

6. Drink lots of water then pee a lot.

7. Berate self for being single too long.

8. Daydream not being single.

9. Shame self on being shallow and plan to be a better person i.e., volunteer in the community, blog for social causes, work out, go back to school, etc.

10. FB some more and add ex who has initially unfriended me after a breakup gone bad.

11. Undo friend request to said ex.

12. Pray to all the still awake saints who guard Facebook not to send an email notification to ex about friend request.

13. Pray to patron saints of lame ex-girlfriends to plan an accidental meeting/reunion with ex when I’m 30 pounds lighter and preferably engaged or at least with a bald hunk of a boyfriend.

14. Eat heavy breakfast because I survived the night.

source: dumpaday.com

source: dumpaday.com