Mind Games

You are a monster. I am human.
We are friends yet we shouldn’t be.
You lurk in the shadows. I try to stay in the light.
You sleep under my bed and visit me in my dreams.

We stay in the dark where I cannot see your hideous face.
I told you many times I don’t care for your appearance
But I’m not sure I really mean that.
And you pretend you don’t notice my uncertainty.

Everyone tells me to stay away from a freak like you.
They say you are evil and would wreck my life
But I love the games we play and how happy you make me.
I do not think you are evil at all, though I’m probably wrong.

Sometimes you hurt me and I would cry for days.
I don’t know if that is ever your intention when you do so.
I do not ask questions and you do not offer answers.
Funny we’re friends but we never talk at all.

When my thoughts are straight
I try to resolve to myself
I should leave you and never look back.
But then I feel your presence in the shadows
And wonder what life is without you.

My friends tell me it would be a happy life
I could play outdoors and enjoy the sun.
They paint me a happy picture full of colors
But the solace I know is the darkness you take me to.

Someday you’re gonna leave.
Then I’ll sit alone in the shadows
Lean on the wall and not feel your clumsy movements.
That day I may choose to play out in the sun.
And when I do, I may never look back.

I’ll have the memories and be grateful for them
But hopefully, will not long for the refuge in the dark.
Instead, I will learn to live in the light
And to find comfort being bathed in sunlight.

But for now we sit in the dark
And your arms are around me while I cry bitter tears.
I don’t know how long we’ll have to sit here
But I know you’ll hold me until I feel better again.

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

Advertisements

Remembering Mumo

thesis

I was browsing through my undergrad written* thesis when I came across this on the RRL**. I just thought this is worth sharing. Mumo is a colloquial Tagalog word for monster.

As cited on the book, Theories of Personality, Maslow said that “most of us get caught at this level(need for belongingness and love) and strive more or less constantly to be accepted and loved by other people” (Feist 380).

Jess Feist expounds, based on the Self-Actualization Theory, how an individual behaves when their need for love is unfulfilled:

“[Other] adults whose love needs remain largely unsatisfied, adopt a more obvious method of trying to love. They undermine their own needs by striving too hard to obtain affection. Their constant supplication for acceptance and affection leave others suspicious, unfriendly, and impenetrable (380).

The fulfillment of the need for belongingness determines one’s self esteem. As Feist puts it, “it appears to be nearly impossible to secure self-esteem unless a person first perceives
that she has gained approval in the eyes of others” (380).

*As a film student, I was required a written thesis as well as a short film as requirements for the undergrad course.

** Review of Related Literature