Looking Back At My “Fictional” Attempts

Photo source: kidsinthekichen.blogspot.com

Photo source: kidsinthekichen.blogspot.com

I don’t tell you this often enough but I’m really grateful for your taking the time to read my stories. Cheesy but I can’t thank you enough. And it just warms my heart that some of you may be numbers on my blog stats and unknown faces from halfway across the world but I’ve already shared a lot about my inner thoughts and quirks.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Today, I was rereading my old posts and decided I want to re-post some of my favorite fictional stories. If you haven’t read them, here’s your chance. If you have, please tell me what you think about them.

 

The first one is called Purple and Red. It’s about a woman with an intense need for affiliation and a low self-esteem. It also hints physical abuse.

Maybe you locked yourself in your room grieving the silence of the phone. Did he forget your birthday or was it anniversary? You wanted to paint your bedroom red but you are waiting for his approval. So now it’s still the lifeless gray that matches your gloom.

You may read the full story here.

 

The second one is the love of a witch and a prince called Witching Hours.

The prince had a recurring nightmare of riding his horse on the forest and running after a woman in a billowing red skirt. But before he could catch her, he gets thrown off the horse.

For the full story, just click here.

 

The third is about a rainy morning and the memories that pour with the drops on the window pane.

And on rainy mornings, I stay in bed and look out the window and wonder if you still look up at the sky and ask why she’s crying.

The full story is  here.

 

 

Again, thank you so much, everyone.

PS. Enjoy the rest of your day.

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Perfect Date Ideas From A Self-Proclaimed Spinster

I’ve had my fair share of dating horrors. In fact, I have told you about my spectacularly disapponting date with a guy who liked Westlife. If not, you can read about it here.

Yeah, yeah, I have this annoying love affair with hyperbole. So anyhow, it’s Friday and so most people are in good spirits. I hope you are too. Well, I am. And so today I will write about something positive. Hmm. Like what? Crime rate? Upcoming national elections? The April 15 deadline for filing of taxes? Geezz, can you tell how I’m oozing with positivity right now?

Let’s talk about dating, which personally is a comedy of horrors. I’m pretty sure Billy Shakespeare is turning in his grave right now for my usage of one of his famous plays. If you are hoping I would lay out for you fool-proof dating advice, you may stop reading now, though I hope you wouldn’t. Surely, you have to understand that a 29-year old spinster is in no place to dish out dating advice in any shape or form. But just because I am a self-confessed spinster and apparently unpopular with guys, doesn’t mean I am without my wishes for a perfect date. And that’s what I want to share with you today.

It’s actually a tie. So I have two perfect ideas for a date. Before I tell you what they are, I’ll tell you first that when I was in my early 20s, I thought a perfect date for me would be in a museum. What could be more romantic than walking through high-ceilinged halls full of different artworks? Plus the silence of the sculptures as the dust tries to settle on the frames of paintings provides a charmed setting for a budding affair. The soft echo of your footsteps as you pretend to look at sketches would be the perfect soundtrack of your own romantic comedy. As you can see, I lived in a European romcom when I was 20. Think Amelie and The Spanish Apartment. But since I’ve been on platonic dates in a museum twice with two of my good guy friends, I’ve scrapped out the perfect museum date.

So my perfect date idea #1 is at a blood-letting activity. Now before you clutch your imaginary pearls, let me explain myself. The reason why I think this is perfect is aside from you are making a contribution to the National Red Cross, this also gives you a glimpse into what kind of person your date is. If he is willing to give blood on your first date, there are only two valid possibilities. Either he is desperate and willing to do anything and everything to get laid or he really cares about such causes as helping those who need blood.

Photo source: prometheus.med.utah.edu

Photo source: prometheus.med.utah.edu

An equally important reason why this donating blood is perfect is because after you’ve given out 500cc of your own blood is that now you two have the perfect little excuse for a red meat feast or buffet. You need all the red meat for your red blood cells. So hey, win-win, right? If a worthy cause and a buffet won’t seal your bond forever, then nothing would.

Perfect date idea #2 is a little picnic at night in the middle of Sunken Garden while listening to 90s and early ’00s boyband music. You could also add reading your favorite children stories and/or rhymes to the repertoire. You only need finger foods, mat, candles, iPod/phone for your music and story books. Think Nsync, Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees. If a guy is willing to listen to crappy boyband music with you, he may be: a, someone who has terrible music just like you; b, desperately wants to sleep with you or; c, willing to forego your horrible taste in music for a shot at a meaningful relationship. So again, nothing to lose and everything to gain in this setup.

Photo source: wikimapia.org

Photo source: wikimapia.org

PS. The children stories part is a subliminal attempt for him to think that you would one day bear his children. I am assuming you’d be down for that. No pun intended.

PPS. You are only allowed to stay at Sunken Garden until 10 in the evening.

So anyway, since I don’t see any dates in my foreseeable future, I’ll just enjoy my Friday listening to The Dan Band’s Candy Shop. If you haven’t heard of Dan Finnerty or The Dan Band, it’s about effin time you listen to him/them now.

TGIF!

The Special Kind of Hell Called Friend Zone

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

In popular culture, the “friend zone” refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

That was brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Wikipedia

My take on it is it’s another version of unrequited love. Plain, simple and painful. I think. When I think of friend zone, I think of David Todd and Severus Snape. David Todd is the husband of Mabel Todd who had an affair with Austin Dickinson, more famously known as Emily Dickinson’s brother. You see, Mr. Todd gave his blessing on the affair. Several accounts have been written about this. I choose to believe that he decided to go into friend zone rather than be bitter about his wife’s straying. Of course, he later on carried on with affairs of his own, with his wife’s approval.

On the other hand, Harry Potter fans are well aware of Professor Snape’s enduring love for Lily, Harry’s mother who, of course, married the love of her life, Harry’s dad. In fact, I dare say, Snape is the poster child of friend zone.

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Also, let’s not forget, Jules from My Best Friend’s Wedding. I saw this film when I was in high school and it just broke my heart. How can we live in a world where the lovely Julia Roberts with the perfect curly hair did not end up marrying her best friend, the dashing Dermot Mulroney? We are in a seriously f**ed up place. If Jules could not get her perfect guy, what hope is there for us lesser mortals?

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

There are many reasons cited for people thrown in the friend zone. Some of those cited are unequal level of attraction. Sexual attraction of one party not enough to cross the friendship line. For many, it is simply the fear of losing a true friend.

I don’t have firsthand experience of friend zone but I have a few thoughts on why some people find themselves in this hell. I repeat, these are my own speculations, so don’t shoot me.

1. You are not taking enough Vitamin C.

2. You like a person who is 2 points more attractive than you. The rule is you only have a shot with people who are 2 points more or less attractive than you. If you are a 6, try not to fall for someone higher than an 8 or prepare to be friend zoned or downright rejected.

Photo source: jwoww.com

Photo source: jwoww.com

3. You can’t figure this out:
Consider the ellipse (x² / 4) + (y² / 1) = 1
What is the equation describing this ellipse after it has been rotated thirty degrees counterclockwise?

4. You don’t replace the toothpaste cap.

5. You don’t floss often enough.

6. You can’t cook a decent pasta. In fact you don’t know the perfect recipe for boiling water.

7. Your name is Jar Jar Binks.

Photo source: 90s411.com

Photo source: 90s411.com

8. You have let your object of affection see your messy room.

9. You take too many bathroom photos.

10. You think this list is legit.

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

The Girl Who Loved Obituaries

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Kim looks at people and imagine what their obituary would read as. When she was a little girl, she had feared death and all things related to it. She was afraid to look at pictures of dead people. She could not look at coffins. When her mom would take her to the cemetery, she would try not to read the names on the tombstones. When she became an adult, she decided to do something about her fear. She started reading obituaries. That’s how she turned into the girl who reaches first to the obituary page of the Sunday paper.

She has written her own obituary, and it’s unlike what you usually read on the newspapers. Kim thinks it’s a pity that your last announcement in this world would just include the name of the funeral house, the date of the interment and the people who have survived you. Instead of a tearful eulogy, she wants to make sure she has a well-written obituary.

Five days a week, she answers email queries about an apparently problematic online payment system. Most of the queries have templates for answers. She oftentimes imagine what the person is like behind the email address. Is he a burly old guy who will have a funny, half-page obituary? Maybe a retired banker who will have a no-nonsense obituary, 3 or 4 lines approximately. Or it could be the old lady everyone is fond of who will have a family member write a heartwarming obituary full of recounting of her character.

On weekends, Kim tries to spend as much time with her boyfriend who works as a college instructor. He hates Kim’s obsession with obituaries because he once read a short story about a girl who reads obituaries in the bathroom when she’s menstruating because she was molested when she was a child. Kim tries to assure him she was not molested but he remains doubtful.

They had been together for almost a year. There’s nothing magical about their relationship. What they have is a comfortable companionship that lacks growth and maturity. Despite the seemingly monotonous context, Kim likes being with him. He has not had any declarations of love and has not talked about marriage plans. Kim sometimes wish he would but most of the time, she’s just content to lay in his arms listening to his deep, evenly spaced breathing.

One Sunday morning while having breakfast, they had a row when he saw Kim reading intently the obituary page.

Will you please not read that while we’re eating? Or in front of me?

Why not?

Of course, she knows quite well why not but she’s tired of defending herself.

Because it’s all about death. I think you’re getting more and more obsessed with death.

No, I’m not. Besides the headlines are full of death. How’s that different from the obituary?

It’s different and you know that. You don’t even know those dead people. Why do you care about them?

He then got up, leaving his unfinished food and went to their bedroom.

They rarely fight and she hates it when they do. She followed him to the bedroom. He was staring out the window.

I was not molested when I was a kid. I had a normal childhood. I was just really afraid of dead people. Why don’t you believe me?

I believe you. It’s just unsettling when you read those things. Why can’t you just have a hobby like normal people do?

So now you’re saying I’m not normal?

He laughed but it didn’t reach his eyes. Kim is starting to feel there was something he was not telling her. She does not like surprises and that’s why she likes him because he is predictable. He likes toast and eggs for breakfast, pizza on Fridays, classical music when he’s checking test papers and white underpants. There is definitely comfort in routine. But right now, Kim is scared that something is about to change. He could see it in his eyes.

Death is about pain and letting go. No matter how much people say it’s beautiful, you can never convince the bereaved family of that.

I’d like to think of obituaries as happy endings.

No matter how happy they are, they’re endings. I don’t want you fixated on endings. We’re still young. We’re barely starting. There’s a lot of things we haven’t done yet.

Are you breaking up with me?

She didn’t mean to say it out loud but she fears it’s what he was trying to say.

No, silly. I want us to get married.

As relief flooded through Kim, she couldn’t stop her tears.

You really shouldn’t cry. It’s not like someone died.

She hugged him hard.

You’re well aware marrying you means I get to write your obituary, right?

He smiled as he slid the ring on her finger.

I guess so.

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Forget The Men. Pick A Guy. 1 of 2

This is an article written by Cathleen Calbert back in September of 2009. My friend posted this on Facebook, and we got into a discussion on our preferences: do we want a man or a guy? She wants a guy whereas I like a man. The author married a guy, and it seems that the mature choice is a guy. But then maybe you’re like me hopelessly dreaming for a man.

The article is long and instead of reposting it, I’m breaking it out into a list. And this would be two parts because the list is, again, somewhat long.

We’re gonna start with the Guy.

Photo source: thefrisky.com

Photo source: thefrisky.com

Guys are often in between things like jobs and houses, which means they’re more likely to stay up with you all night, drinking wine and playing gin rummy.

They’ll rub your belly. They’ll lick chocolate off it.

They’ll like your cute little dog.

When going on a trip, guys say, “Love you, have fun,” because they can’t imagine anything bad happening to you.

Guys can wallow in confusion. They can decide to leave their brides on one side of the country as they head to the other.

Guys can sweetly stick. Yes, they’ll walk past whole bags of garbage without seeing them, they’ll play their guitar while the dog snags an entire meatloaf from the counter and eats it, but they’ll say, “Hi, sweetie,” when you walk in the door, laden with groceries.

They’ll go into therapy to better understand their crazy selves.

Photo source: inquistr.com

Photo source: inquistr.com

Guys wear the kind of clothes they wore as boys even when their hair silvers: cool jeans and baseball jackets coupled with stupid T-shirts boasting faded logos from exotic locales.

Guys are boys who didn’t grow up to be men.

Guys are capable of swooning over a new writer they’ve just discovered, or of speaking passionately about some idea.

A guy is a possibility.

Original article: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/fashion/20love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

This One’s For The Girls by Martina McBride

This video has got one of the most awkward dance moves I’ve ever seen. Yeah, this one’s old but Martina’s really pretty and I love her more for this song.

This one’s for the girls
Who’ve ever had a broken heart
Who’ve wished upon a shooting star
You’re beautiful the way you are
This one’s for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one’s for the girls

Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They`re like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they’re bad for me
But I just can’t leave ’em alone

Something Beautiful by Robbie Williams

Photo courtesy of harlowheslop.com

Photo courtesy of harlowheslop.com

In celebration of Women’s month, most of my posts are about women. I initially wanted to make a playlist for women, a mix tape of sorts. But I couldn’t figure out how to put the play list here so instead from time to time I’ll post my choice of songs I hope you ladies would take the time to listen to. Of course, these aren’t truly exclusive to girls. So first up is Robbie Williams’s Something Beautiful. There’s no need for me to elaborate on the prose of this song but I want to emphasize the hopeful message it brings. Sometimes with all the ugliness around us, we forget about the beautiful things, and this reminds us to hold on to hope.

The silence was pitiful that day.
A love is getting too cynical
Passion’s just physical these days
You analyze everyone you meet
But get no sign, love ain’t kind
every night you admit defeat
and cry yourself blind

If you can’t wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you’re lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can’t control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won’t leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won’t be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way

Best I Ever Had (Vertical Horizon)

Photo courtesy of weheartit.com

Photo courtesy of weheartit.com

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I’m haunted

But it’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had
I don’t want you back
You’re just the best I ever had

Things To Be Grateful For

Films

Photo courtesy of dawn.com

Photo courtesy of dawn.com

Sand and the Sea

Photo courtesy of brichnculture.com

Photo courtesy of brichnculture.com

Trees

Photo courtesy of hiren.info

Photo courtesy of hiren.info

Music

Photo courtesy of fanpop.com

Photo courtesy of fanpop.com

Love

Photo courtesy of masterpiece-beth.com

Photo courtesy of masterpiece-beth.com

Cake

Photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.org

Shower

Photo courtesy of grohe.com

Photo courtesy of grohe.com

Sunrise

Photo courtesy of photography.about.com

Photo courtesy of photography.about.com

Books

Photo courtesy of sexysocialmedia.com

Photo courtesy of sexysocialmedia.com

Fresh Sheets