The Special Kind of Hell Called Friend Zone

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

Photo source: blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca

In popular culture, the “friend zone” refers to a platonic relationship wherein one person wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation by the lovelorn person. Once the friend zone is established, it is said to be difficult to move beyond that point in a relationship.

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My take on it is it’s another version of unrequited love. Plain, simple and painful. I think. When I think of friend zone, I think of David Todd and Severus Snape. David Todd is the husband of Mabel Todd who had an affair with Austin Dickinson, more famously known as Emily Dickinson’s brother. You see, Mr. Todd gave his blessing on the affair. Several accounts have been written about this. I choose to believe that he decided to go into friend zone rather than be bitter about his wife’s straying. Of course, he later on carried on with affairs of his own, with his wife’s approval.

On the other hand, Harry Potter fans are well aware of Professor Snape’s enduring love for Lily, Harry’s mother who, of course, married the love of her life, Harry’s dad. In fact, I dare say, Snape is the poster child of friend zone.

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Photo source: quickmeme.com

Also, let’s not forget, Jules from My Best Friend’s Wedding. I saw this film when I was in high school and it just broke my heart. How can we live in a world where the lovely Julia Roberts with the perfect curly hair did not end up marrying her best friend, the dashing Dermot Mulroney? We are in a seriously f**ed up place. If Jules could not get her perfect guy, what hope is there for us lesser mortals?

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

Photo source: madeofhumor.com

There are many reasons cited for people thrown in the friend zone. Some of those cited are unequal level of attraction. Sexual attraction of one party not enough to cross the friendship line. For many, it is simply the fear of losing a true friend.

I don’t have firsthand experience of friend zone but I have a few thoughts on why some people find themselves in this hell. I repeat, these are my own speculations, so don’t shoot me.

1. You are not taking enough Vitamin C.

2. You like a person who is 2 points more attractive than you. The rule is you only have a shot with people who are 2 points more or less attractive than you. If you are a 6, try not to fall for someone higher than an 8 or prepare to be friend zoned or downright rejected.

Photo source: jwoww.com

Photo source: jwoww.com

3. You can’t figure this out:
Consider the ellipse (xยฒ / 4) + (yยฒ / 1) = 1
What is the equation describing this ellipse after it has been rotated thirty degrees counterclockwise?

4. You don’t replace the toothpaste cap.

5. You don’t floss often enough.

6. You can’t cook a decent pasta. In fact you don’t know the perfect recipe for boiling water.

7. Your name is Jar Jar Binks.

Photo source: 90s411.com

Photo source: 90s411.com

8. You have let your object of affection see your messy room.

9. You take too many bathroom photos.

10. You think this list is legit.

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

Photo source: sverigecolin.blogspot.com

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