Hymen and Babies

People say that in the old days if you so much as get caught holding hands with a guy, then you sure would be married. Maintaining a spotless reputation was on top of the list back in the day. Apparently, for single women, reputation has a lot got to do with virginity.

Nowadays, obviously, the culture has somewhat shifted. The state of a woman’s hymen is now mostly a non-issue. In fact, intentional tearing of the hymen due to certain “recreational” activities does not qualify anymore as a reason to force couples to marry. These days, it is the status of the womb that has become the deciding factor for many marriages. Tying the knot due to pregnancy, mostly unplanned, it seems, has become the rule rather than the exception. I don’t mean that as a criticism; rather, a mere observation.

Image Source: goosegreaseshop.com

Image Source: goosegreaseshop.com

As a woman, whether you are from the olden days when indulging in premarital sex would earn you a stoning or at least the reputation of the village slut or you are a “modern” woman living in today’s supposed more liberal view of your gender, the fact remains that you are still forced to conform to society’s presribed behavior, which is still for the most part, biased, pretentious and self-righteous.

How familiar are these situations?

A: X is getting married.
B: Is she pregnant?
A: Yes.
A: Oh, that’s why.

A: X is getting married.
B: Is she pregnant?
A: No.
B: Then why?

Image Source: kustomkoozies.com

Image Source: kustomkoozies.com

A: I don’t understand why X won’t marry her boyfriend. They’ve been together for years and their son is about to start school.
B: Because they don’t want to get married.
A: But why? I don’t understand.

A: X is pregnant.
B: Wow. So when is the wedding?
A: I don’t think she and her boyfriend are planning to get married.
B: But they should, shouldn’t they?

I cannot extol on the valid reasons to marry. There are thousands of references written by experts that you can use for that topic. Besides, at the end of the day, to marry or not to marry is definitely your choice. And your partner’s, of course. Whatever reason you may have for marrying your partner, may it be something that would solidify your marriage and keep you together, rather than drive you apart. And more importantly, I dare say, may it also be something that makes you happy.

Image Source: wowglowingbride.com

Image Source: wowglowingbride.com

 

 

The author (an almost spinster) is being pressured by her family to find a suitable husband soon or at least have a baby. But she would rather marry for convenience if given a chance.

 

 

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The Girl Who Loved Obituaries

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Photo courtesy of 123rf.com

Kim looks at people and imagine what their obituary would read as. When she was a little girl, she had feared death and all things related to it. She was afraid to look at pictures of dead people. She could not look at coffins. When her mom would take her to the cemetery, she would try not to read the names on the tombstones. When she became an adult, she decided to do something about her fear. She started reading obituaries. That’s how she turned into the girl who reaches first to the obituary page of the Sunday paper.

She has written her own obituary, and it’s unlike what you usually read on the newspapers. Kim thinks it’s a pity that your last announcement in this world would just include the name of the funeral house, the date of the interment and the people who have survived you. Instead of a tearful eulogy, she wants to make sure she has a well-written obituary.

Five days a week, she answers email queries about an apparently problematic online payment system. Most of the queries have templates for answers. She oftentimes imagine what the person is like behind the email address. Is he a burly old guy who will have a funny, half-page obituary? Maybe a retired banker who will have a no-nonsense obituary, 3 or 4 lines approximately. Or it could be the old lady everyone is fond of who will have a family member write a heartwarming obituary full of recounting of her character.

On weekends, Kim tries to spend as much time with her boyfriend who works as a college instructor. He hates Kim’s obsession with obituaries because he once read a short story about a girl who reads obituaries in the bathroom when she’s menstruating because she was molested when she was a child. Kim tries to assure him she was not molested but he remains doubtful.

They had been together for almost a year. There’s nothing magical about their relationship. What they have is a comfortable companionship that lacks growth and maturity. Despite the seemingly monotonous context, Kim likes being with him. He has not had any declarations of love and has not talked about marriage plans. Kim sometimes wish he would but most of the time, she’s just content to lay in his arms listening to his deep, evenly spaced breathing.

One Sunday morning while having breakfast, they had a row when he saw Kim reading intently the obituary page.

Will you please not read that while we’re eating? Or in front of me?

Why not?

Of course, she knows quite well why not but she’s tired of defending herself.

Because it’s all about death. I think you’re getting more and more obsessed with death.

No, I’m not. Besides the headlines are full of death. How’s that different from the obituary?

It’s different and you know that. You don’t even know those dead people. Why do you care about them?

He then got up, leaving his unfinished food and went to their bedroom.

They rarely fight and she hates it when they do. She followed him to the bedroom. He was staring out the window.

I was not molested when I was a kid. I had a normal childhood. I was just really afraid of dead people. Why don’t you believe me?

I believe you. It’s just unsettling when you read those things. Why can’t you just have a hobby like normal people do?

So now you’re saying I’m not normal?

He laughed but it didn’t reach his eyes. Kim is starting to feel there was something he was not telling her. She does not like surprises and that’s why she likes him because he is predictable. He likes toast and eggs for breakfast, pizza on Fridays, classical music when he’s checking test papers and white underpants. There is definitely comfort in routine. But right now, Kim is scared that something is about to change. He could see it in his eyes.

Death is about pain and letting go. No matter how much people say it’s beautiful, you can never convince the bereaved family of that.

I’d like to think of obituaries as happy endings.

No matter how happy they are, they’re endings. I don’t want you fixated on endings. We’re still young. We’re barely starting. There’s a lot of things we haven’t done yet.

Are you breaking up with me?

She didn’t mean to say it out loud but she fears it’s what he was trying to say.

No, silly. I want us to get married.

As relief flooded through Kim, she couldn’t stop her tears.

You really shouldn’t cry. It’s not like someone died.

She hugged him hard.

You’re well aware marrying you means I get to write your obituary, right?

He smiled as he slid the ring on her finger.

I guess so.

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Photo courtesy of glamour.com

Now Hiring: A Boyfriend

Job Opportunity: The Boyfriend
Location: Metro Manila, Philippines

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

Responsibilities:

* Weekly recreational activities including, but not limited to: eating out, visiting museums, going to the beach, attending Sunday mass, watching movies and stage plays

* Occasional compliments to sustain The Girlfriend’s self-esteem and overall well being

* Occasional attendance in The Girlfriend’s family events

* Occasional posting of “couple” photos on Facebook, Twitter and other social media to validate relationship

* Occasional gift-giving, need not be expensive, creativity highly required

* Regular bed-related relationship-enhancing activities, including but not limited to, sex

* Regular mediated (text, call, chat, email, etc) communication with The Girlfriend, at least once but not exceeding 5 in a day

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

Photo courtesy of quickmeme.com

Qualifications:

* Candidate must be 25 to 38 years old

* Candidate should be college level; a holder of Bachelor’s/College Degree, MA, Ph.D and MBA preferred but not required

* Experience preferred but not required

* Applicants must be willing to work in Metro Manila

* Applicants must be willing to travel

* Knowledge of foreign language/s preferred but not required

* Ability to play one or more musical instruments preferred (except bass guitar)

* Candidate should be full-time employee/employer (applications of bums will automatically be rejected)

One (1) full time position available.
Previous applicants need not apply.
The Girlfriend offers an attractive benefits package with long-term prospects.

Send applications through its8am@gmail.com.
Walk-in applicants will not be entertained.

A Not-So-Typical F Story

So let me share this “beautiful” story that really happened to my friend. Aside from this is too good a story not to be shared, I am also hoping that we would learn an invaluable lesson from this.

Some say, we live in a harsh world while others say that your view of the world is just a reflection of you. What I want to say is that despite and/or because of the harsh reality we live in, we should take the time to smell the roses.

To enjoy the early morning air.

To truly feel the soul of the music you’re listening to.

To appreciate a genuine smile.

To savor that kiss, that hug.

To reflect on the words that we hear and speak.

And all that jazz.

So here’s what happened:

 

 

 

Boy: I want to f*ck you.
Girl: Don’t say that. That’s crass. Please say, “I want to make f*ck with you.”

 

 

Just because you’re bang buddies does not mean you can’t be sweet. True? True.

Lol.

(References: My friend and Ms. Shari VanderWerf @shariv67)