Mind Games

You are a monster. I am human.
We are friends yet we shouldn’t be.
You lurk in the shadows. I try to stay in the light.
You sleep under my bed and visit me in my dreams.

We stay in the dark where I cannot see your hideous face.
I told you many times I don’t care for your appearance
But I’m not sure I really mean that.
And you pretend you don’t notice my uncertainty.

Everyone tells me to stay away from a freak like you.
They say you are evil and would wreck my life
But I love the games we play and how happy you make me.
I do not think you are evil at all, though I’m probably wrong.

Sometimes you hurt me and I would cry for days.
I don’t know if that is ever your intention when you do so.
I do not ask questions and you do not offer answers.
Funny we’re friends but we never talk at all.

When my thoughts are straight
I try to resolve to myself
I should leave you and never look back.
But then I feel your presence in the shadows
And wonder what life is without you.

My friends tell me it would be a happy life
I could play outdoors and enjoy the sun.
They paint me a happy picture full of colors
But the solace I know is the darkness you take me to.

Someday you’re gonna leave.
Then I’ll sit alone in the shadows
Lean on the wall and not feel your clumsy movements.
That day I may choose to play out in the sun.
And when I do, I may never look back.

I’ll have the memories and be grateful for them
But hopefully, will not long for the refuge in the dark.
Instead, I will learn to live in the light
And to find comfort being bathed in sunlight.

But for now we sit in the dark
And your arms are around me while I cry bitter tears.
I don’t know how long we’ll have to sit here
But I know you’ll hold me until I feel better again.

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

Image Source: special-k611.blogspot.com

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Purple and Red

Photo courtesy of anitamurphyart.com

Photo courtesy of anitamurphyart.com

You hide in the shadows, and the darkness is your protection. You have built defenses for the unknown. On rare instances that the light reaches you, I catch a glimpse of your beauty. Do you see it, too? But you are afraid to look at your reflection. I have asked you this a thousand times but you quickly avert your gaze.

I saw you again today and I see your bruises. Dark colors smudge your skin screaming the pain in your spirit. I feel the shame for the injustice of your pain. Why do you let it so? Why don’t you fight back? Again, you cast your eyes to the floor and embrace your silence. The bruises are a quiet testament of your acceptance.

Your smile never reaches your eyes. What is the truth behind it? What is the color of your solace? Do you mourn the sunrise and eagerly wait for dusk? I want to climb your wall but I’m afraid to fall.

I saw you again today. You were holding his hands as you were walking down the stairs. Does he hold the key to the mystery? Does he make you happy? You gave me a nod and a little smile. You remind me of a little girl on the train waving at strangers.

I didn’t see you for a while since then. I thought you had moved. Maybe you went away with him. Or maybe you locked yourself in your room grieving the silence of the phone. Did he forget your birthday or was it anniversary? You wanted to paint your bedroom red but you are waiting for his approval. So now it’s still the lifeless gray that matches your gloom.

I see you again in the hallway and you’re covered in bruises. Do you even see them? Are you aware of your pain? Am I the only one who can see them? I finally had the guts to tell you what I should have the first time I saw the marks. He is not your savior. You are beautiful. Stop hurting yourself. You stared at me a long time and I saw a twinkle in your eyes. Did I just imagine it? You smiled and walked away.

I headed to my room and when I walked in, I pulled the blinds up, unhooked the phone and started painting the walls. Red is for passion and courage. Once done, I looked at the mirror and saw that the bruises are gone.